Transformation Story: Belonging Part II
The last article explained a young man's journey through adoption. It spoke of the struggles and adjustments he went through to get to the happy place he is at today. Now I would like to share the adoptive parents side of the story...
I began their interview by questioning what made this couple begin to take in foster children in the first place. The parents tag-teamed back and forth as they explained a day many years ago where their daughter came home almost in tears explaining how she met a new friend that day, that didn't have a mommy or daddy. Their daughter asked them if the girl could live with them because she hated the home she was staying at that moment. “It broke our hearts to see our daughter's heart so broken, so we agreed to take this little girl in. We had no idea how hard it would actually be, but something about that little girl permanently opened a place in our hearts for orphans, and the children with no voice.”
This little girl was the first of many to pass through their home. They explained the struggle of worrying about their own children, if they were safe, making sure they did not feel replaced. They explained how emotionally taxing it could be most days, “It can break you sometimes. The kids will push and push and say they hate you, and you aren't their parents, and while you know they are only doing this to see if you actually care about them...it still hurts. I will admit, with the first sets of foster children, we did not know how to handle this but each child taught us a lesson and now because of all of those lessons, we are blessed to have one of our foster children join our family for good!” She says, while grinning from ear to ear.
“What was different about this boy that made you want to turn from foster to adoptive parents?” I asked. The father chimed in saying, “I believe God gave us a new level of patience, understanding, and love just for him.” They explained this boy came into their lives older than most of the children they had taken in. He had experienced things that the family had no idea how to deal with. The mother said, “From the very moment I met the boy I felt something special. I saw past his hurt to his huge heart, and I wanted to find a way to take away all of the pain so his heart could fully show.” After she met the boy, she sat down with her family and discussed the possibility of him living with them. She explained her fears to the family, how different this boy would be then the rest that had moved in, but she kept saying how special he seemed. It only took her a couple of days to convince the whole family to let him in, and this was the start of their new family.
“It was not easy. He pushed extremely hard when we first got him,” the mother explains while looking to her husband and laughing. “There were many times I wanted to give up but my husband would be my rock and stand firm, then we would reverse roles and he wanted to give up, but I would stand firm.” They explained how hard it was to try to parent when the child had been so hurt he can no longer trust people. First, they gained the boy’s respect by just loving him unconditionally and listening to him, letting him know he was valued. Once they earned his respect they began to really teach and parent him. “They tell you going into adoption about how hard the process will be, but I think they need to explain the rewarding side of it more. Once the child begins to feel loved and starts crawling out of the shell they have been living in, you get to see the real person minus the pain and that person is pretty incredible.” This boy came to them broken, distrustful, angry, quiet and rarely smiled. The parents explained that today, this boy volunteers with others, does not immediately judge, he is calm and engages with people, is an incredible listener and wise beyond his years, and it is rare to seem him without a smile on his face.
You have heard both sides of this story now. On each side there is struggle and barriers to overcome, both sides had to gain the trust and approval of the other, but love conquered the fears and love won out. Humans need to feel a sense of belonging, whether you have found your place of belonging or not, there is always someone out there still searching for this connection. If you feel a certain pull towards a person, listen to that, and build that relationship because you could be that person, that will end up changing their entire world.
- A the word changes contributor